Monday curse:
- sono: mas muuuuuuuuuito sono.
- aula: NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAO!
- mau-humor: talk to the hand.
- desespero: outra semana inteeeira pela frente!
- disposicao: zero a nao-existente.
- O que salva eh a empadinha em boa companhia no fim do dia =]
* Eu soh quero entrar de ferias pra rir na cara das segundas-feiras!
** Vacations, to go, please.
Rafa
Have you ever felt like seven days don't just add up to a week? Have you ever noticed how one horrible hour can take much longer than 60 fun minutes?
These days I got to thinking about time. It's funny how it can play tricks on us. On one hand, there's that carpe diem motto I've been trying to follow. On the other hand, how can what we do now, at this very moment and for the sake of it alone, not influence how we'll feel in a minute or a day?
On the process of thinking about all of this, the closest to a conclusion that I've gotten to is that I guess this carpe diem thing does not really exist. Just like I don't believe in "present"... after all, the moment you're done saying that word, it is, then, past.
However, I do believe in moments. I mean, I believe there's instant choices we make that will have an immediate impact. But, still, those are bound to change things that follow.
This has been a long week. It feels like a month now. Lots of fun, tangiroscas, laughter, friends and dates. Only enough to fit in one 7-day week. But great enough to last much longer.
Throughout this week, time has been a loyal friend and a dishonest enemy. First, it seemed to say: "There.. that's your chance: Seize the day. It'll be over before you even know it. No hard feelings this time". Then... tic tac... tic tac... tic tac. Over. Now what? You can't go back and do anything better or say anything differently because it's gone. Never coming back. And you regret that you only worried about that day, or the day afterwards, or the next one. Because now there's a whole bunch of things to think about. There's changes to be made and things to be explained and personality traits to be reviewed. Wouldn't it be easier if you could have just taken the time then to think about what would certainly come next?
But, then again, would you do things differently altogether? I mean, other than those talks you never had, those kisses you never finished, those places you never went to, those people you never introduced, would you change the big picture? I don't think so. So, maybe, just maybe, this carpe diem thing is not all wrong. Maybe there's a little bit of that "present" concept in every past or future moment, and that's how you recognize it.
What comes on next, you brought on yourself. That's what you get for not speaking your mind, for being insecure, for being a hopeless romantic, for listening to people you shouldn't listen to and most importantly for asking so many questions, but not the ones you meant to ask.
It's gonna be a long November.
Rafa
Enough with the incessant polling, and, for once, I'll get to answer my own questions.
What cheers me up?
Easy one. Realizing that, while the thought that comes to mind is "it's a freaking world gone mad!", I get to rise above it all. There's nothing better than feeling like you've grown up to be a pretty decent human being. Nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to feel sorry for.
I've screwed up. Yes, I have. But I've made my peace with it and with everyone involved. And no one (I said NO ONE) could ever accuse me of neglecting, lying or specially cheating on them. As it turns out, looking back is actually quite easy to me. No enemies, no secrets, no brokenhearts. How many people can say that without, at that point, messing up with one of these principles? How very decent of me.
What brings me down?
Even easier. Ignorance. In all its glory. I don't mean Lula-like ignorant, but I mean people-who-call-Lula-ignorant kind of ignorance. The worst anyone can do is think they'll get away with things. Or even statements like those. They won't. YOU won't. And that's ignorant of you to even think. Or maybe you think you know someone when you actually don't... another common ignorant thought. Or maybe you think the world would be a better place if you had three wishes and you would be able to fix it YOUR way. How very ignorant of me.
In spite of all of this mess I've been put through (hence the crankiness in this post)- tests, elections, rumors, lectures, deception, work, wake-up calls, and then on - I still have some hope left! How very romantic of me.
Here's a poem that often cheers me up and lets me NOT forget why I won't ever change, why greed and dishonesty will never overtake me. I guess somehow I feel I could've written it... How very snob of me.
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Onto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
[Emily Dickinson]
That's it for now. Gotta go get cheered up by my friends :)) And may I just say a fine selection of people who hold principles just like mine and stick to them. And, hey, maybe you're one of them. Maybe not... but feel free to try harder. How very disdainful of me.
Immodest Rafa - just for today.
