Stand-up comedy II

[Jerry Seinfeld, live on Broadway]

Sports

- I was in London about a month ago, the World Cup was going on. I enjoy any sporting event where nations get involved. I find that the most exciting.
The Olympics is really my favorite sporting event, although I think I have a problem with that silver medal. I think, if I was an Olympic athlete, I would rather come in last then win the silver. If you think about it... You win the gold, you feel good. You win the bronze, you think: "Well, at least I got something." But you win the silver and it's like:
"Congratulations! You... ALMOST won. Of all the LOSERS, you came in first of that group. You're the number one LOSER. No one LOST... ahead of you."
And they don't lose by much in these short races. It's always three hundredths of a second, two hundredths of a second. The guy's gotta be thinking:
"If I had a pimple, I would have won!"

I consider myself something of a sportsman. I like sporty-type things.
Scooba-diving, I did that in Australia. That was a lot of fun. A great activity where your main goal is to NOT die. [...]
I've gone hand gliding, I've gone skydiving, I like a little bit of risk.
I don't know, maybe that's why I do this. I saw a thing, actually a study, on the Discovery Channel that said that speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. I found that amazing. Number TWO was death.
Death was number TWO??? This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than the guy doing the eulogy.

Skydiving was definitely the scariest thing I've ever done.
Let me ask you this question in regards to the skydiving: what is the point of the helmet in the skydiving? Can you kinda make it?
You jump out of that plane and that chute doesn't open, the helmet is now wearing YOU for protection.
Later on, the helmet's talking with the other helmets:
"It's a good thing he was there or I would have hit the ground directly. You never jump out of a plane unless you got a human being strapped underneath you, that's basic safety."

There are many things we can point to as proof that the human being is not smart.
The helmet is my personal favorite.
The fact that we had to invent the helmet...
Why did we invent the helmet? Well, because we were participating in many activities that were cracking our heads. We looked at the situation, we chose not to avoid these activities, but to just make little plastic hats so that we could continue our head-cracking lifestyles.
The only thing dumber than the helmet is the helmet law, the point of which is to protect a brain that is functioning so poorly that it's not even trying to stop the cracking of the head that it's in.

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My favorite sport/high-risk activity is teaching chatty teenagers.
What's yours?

Rafa